Cheers to 33!

I'm going to start blogging... Figured a birthday blog was a good way to start.

So it all started on Tuesday, September 14, 2010. My 33rd year began with a blow... A piece of news I wasn't ready to hear. I remember every detail to that day... Trying to get ready for work, horrible conversations at work, trying to work but not being able to concentrate, then trying to make it look like I hadn't been crying all day to go to my birthday dinner with my family. It was awful. I had 2 choices at that point: 1) Let it ruin me or 2) Pick myself up and move on. I remember talking to my brother that day and he said that I should see this news as the best birthday gift ever. It finally put an end to something I never really wanted anyway, but couldn't seem to leave behind. This was just God making the decision for me. Now if you know my brother, you know that wise advice is not a regular thing to come spilling out of his mouth. This was a rare occasion (just kidding Jobussy). But he was soooo right! He knows me so well. I had been miserable for two years... 7 actually, but really bad for the first 2 and then the last 3 of those 7... and this was my chance to leave all of that behind and find the old me... The really old me. The me from high school.

What happened to the me from high school? I needed to find her... Maybe not inside the bubble I was in in high school, but at least find the heart I had back then. It's not that I had become a bad person in the years since high school, but I had lost my heart and my priorities were all out of sorts. So I vowed to find the old me this year... No matter what it took. In high school, God was number one, then my family, then my friends and then fun... I had lots of fun and I laughed a lot. I was full of life back then. But I had let circumstances and certain people in my life drain me and I had lost my spirit in recent years. I had let people walk on me and make me feel like I wasn't good enough. That is NOT me. I wanted my spirit back!

So I was selfish... I needed to be. I needed to take care of myself. I needed to make sure that my priorities were in order and that I was happy on my own before I could worry about anyone else. I needed to take this "gift", as my brother called it, and make the most of it.

So during my 33rd year:

1) I started a new business right before my birthday and decided to put a lot of energy into it to see it be a success. And it has been. I had more business than I ever anticipated. So exciting.

2) My mom and I took a vacation - It was amazing... Just me and my mom for a week. I wouldn't trade that experience for anything. It was one of my favorite trips ever.

3) I quit my job - Best decision ever! I had had my dream job, but lost it in 08 due to the economy. Southern Land hired me back, but in property management and it made me absolutely miserable. I was hard to be around. I was so depressed and drank a lot. It was a horrible job for me and while I was grateful they hired me when I couldn't find a job, I had to get out of it. It was bringing me down.

4) I started working out - still not skinny and I may never be (because I love good food and beer), but I feel healthier than I have in a long time.

5) I left several relationships behind. I reconnected with old friends and established several new friendships. I am so lucky to have so many GOOD friends... not just acquaintances. I feel like I had neglected really good friends for some drinking buddies for years. Luckily, they were there waiting for me when I returned. :)

6) I started hanging out with my family even more. My parents are amazing and are 2 of my favorite people to hang out with. Why would I want to go to a bar when my parents want me to sit on their patio with them? And my brothers, sister, their spouses and friends... such great friends and supporters in my life. Oh and my niece and nephews??? Well, you've seen pictures. I am one lucky aunt! And my dog, Bandit... my boy. :)

7) I went to Thailand for a month. Chi-Chi was there finishing up her masters and I have always wanted to go to Thailand. I was supposed to go for 2 weeks and stayed for 4. It was amazing and so much fun. Just what I needed.

8) I dove into my church - volunteering, small groups, women's retreats. This was my most life changing decision. My church is amazing and changed me completely. I remember visiting and hearing the pastor saying, "We're all just sinners stumbling towards God". Wow! YES I AM! That's all I am. I have stumbled, I have fallen flat on my face, but like the REM lyric says (that this blog was inspired from): "I trip, fall, pick myself up and Walk Unafraid". Now I don't know the reason that Michael Stipe walks unafraid, but I know my reason... I walk unafraid because God is walking right next to me. In April, I decided to be baptized and it was amazing to stand there in front of family and friends and rededicate my life to God with them as my witnesses and greatest supporters. It was amazing.

9) I found a new job. Hope Clinic has been great. I may not be making millions, but I enjoy what I do and I love the people I work with every day. And I love that my work encourages me in my walk with God too. It is so nice to work in a Christian environment.

10) I tried to make healthy decisions. I thought about things before making a decision. That may sound simple, but I wasn't very good at that in my personal life. :) I had made several mistakes over the past several years and they made me more self aware. I now knew what pushed my buttons and caused me to start to fall and so I avoid those situations. I had to make hard decisions, but I knew they were for the best.

So I was selfish... But I found the old me. This year was about ME. Some people may think that was selfish and that I'm a bi**h. I see it as I had no other choice. I had to be selfish. I had to find the old me. I had to do whatever it took to keep me from spiraling out of control. I was at my breaking point... I chose me. And now because of that, I am in a healthy and happy place to choose others. This coming year will be about family, friends, church, service, community and missions... but it's only possible because this past year was about ME.

I am here to tell you that things do get better. I don't believe that God has a plan for all of our lives to be perfect - trust me I've still had hard moments this year, but I do believe that God has a perfect plan. And somehow my messy life fits into His perfect plan. And because I have faith in that, I can get through whatever comes my way.

Today is September 14, 2011... I am turning 33... And I am the happiest and healthiest I have ever been in my life. I took bad news a year ago and turned it around to my advantage. That piece of bad news was maybe the best news I have ever received because it changed me... it helped me find the old me and turn me into a brand new me... A better me. Thank you to all of you who supported me... this year and throughout my entire life. I am so thankful for all of you and happy to be on this journey with you.

Here's to 33! May my 34th year on this earth be the best one yet! :)

Alison